The circle of Trust

One of my favorite movie scenes is from Meet the Parents where Jack, the suspicious father played by Robert DeNiro explains the circle of trust to his future son-in-law Greg played by Ben Stiller. I know it’s an oversimplification, but the concept has some elegance to it! I tend to think of people either in the circle, or hopelessly outside it. So, how do you get into someone’s circle? How do you stay in?

Since Trust is a little more complex than a circle and a dot, I break it up into two areas: performance and personal. The performance Trust covers the area of knowing someone will bring it: they’ll do their work well, and they will meet their time commitments. Personal Trust gets a little more complicated. It encompasses all the things that go into “having my back”. In the ART of business relationships, Trust usually starts at a performance level. If you persevere and work with someone for a while, you have the honor of working at a personal Trust level. Since it’s such a big topic, I’ll focus on performance Trust and leave personal Trust for my next post.

So, how do you boost the performance trust level? It’s simple yet hard at the same time. Steven Covey said it’s about trustworthiness. Prove that you can be trusted through your actions. One way to start is by being punctual. Are you the person that is at the weekly staff meeting a few minutes early, or does someone always track you down at five after so the meeting can start? Being early is on time. Being on time is late. Being late is untrustworthy.

Beyond the simple state of showing up on time comes the hard work. When you commit to a completion date, meet it. If you can’t meet it, tell the stakeholders as soon as you know you’re going to miss the commitment and recommit. Email has become the communication currency of virtually all business. Acknowledge those emails with an action assigned to you and get the action on your to-do list. Set a reasonable time fence for responding to voicemail and email like 12 to 24 hours, and stick to it!

Delivering on time is just a part of the battle. Delivering work product that is of high quality can become a lifelong pursuit. Nothing establishes confidence more than outstanding work. This is obvious in the context of gaining your boss’s trust, but I maintain that it goes both ways! As a leader, you are under the microscope of your team. They sense when you are on top of your game, and performance trust goes up when they see you delivering at a level necessary to succeed as a team.

I am sure you have a few tricks of your own, but here are a few practical tools to aid you on your pursuit of trustworthy performance.

• Start early. If you have a big project, don’t procrastinate. A trick I’ve used in the past when writing an important proposal is to get a fresh three ring binder and open in up on my desk. As I work up sections of the proposal, I put them in the binder. Filling the binder gave me a nice visual attaboy as I made early progress on my assignment.
• Complete your work. Management guru Peter Drucker promoted the concept of completed staff work. Essentially, don’t give your boss a rough draft. Do your best work that answers all the details. That’s what you’re getting paid for! If you’re a sales professional, go the extra mile and detail your sales activities in your CRM. If you’re an engineer, complete your piece of the design to the best of your ability!
• Make it look good. I hate to say it, but the sizzle is important. A website with the best copy in the world is boring and ineffective. Dress it up with professional quality photos and video. Make your work look good, sound good, and smell good! If you’re giving a presentation, dress up a notch and make sure your visuals are eye-popping.
• Be prepared. I was never a boy scout, but those are words to live by.  If your work output is written, make sure you check it for spelling and grammar.   I am always amazed when someone steps up to a microphone and delivers an ill-conceived ramble to a crowd. At a minimum, take five minutes, grab an index card and a sharpie, and write down three key points you want to make. Don’t assume that your audience wants to hear your unorganized rambling – no matter who you are!

Those are just a few tips on how to crank up your performance and being establishing a reputation that you do “A” work.  Before long, you will find yourself in the middle of the boss’s circle of performance Trust when the next big assignment comes along.  What are some of your tips?

How can I get some Respect around here?

Everyone wants respect, right?  I bet you’ve worked with some people you’ve respected, and some you didn’t respect.  In the context of the ART of business relationships, Respect is a HUGE foundation of a relationship.  If a person respects you, they are more likely to listen to you.  They assign more weight to your ideas.  They keep you in the loop.  You get more mind share with that person.

So, let’s dissect Respect.  Back to the dictionary, Respect is defined as deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.  I’ve worked with people who had remarkable abilities and achievements.  When someone realizes you have a skill or ability that sets you apart, they see you differently.  Have you ever known someone on a business level and then run into them outside of work and realize they have great musical talent?  Larry from accounts payable now becomes Larry the guitar virtuoso.  Every time you see Larry at the water cooler, you will think of him differently.

Does that mean you should take up the guitar?  No, but if your job involves financial analysis, you should be a master at Excel.  If you’re an electrical engineer, you may have a set of development tools that you want to learn inside and out.  If you’re in HR, your ability to work skillfully with difficult people may be your stock-in-trade.  If you’re in Quality, writing professional SQL databases may be your ticket.  Build those skills and use them!  You will find that as your skills become broader and deeper over the years, your teammates will associate those abilities with you.  The same applies to achievements.  While I don’t advise hanging university degrees and seminar certificates in your office, the milestones you have achieved speak to your commitment and passion. In most business environments, your teammates know your history.  Assuming you have a LinkedIn profile, they know about most of the things you’ve achieved.  When you run your first marathon or win the club championship, I bet that they will figure that out.

Now let’s look at qualities.  I think this is where Respect is truly cemented.  In some senses, exhibiting the right qualities seems easier than learning a new skill.  In truth, that is only because you and your parents have been working that set of qualities for decades!  Are you punctual?  Organized?  Articulate?  Have good table manners?  You probably didn’t become that way after a one day seminar and reading a book.  The good news is that you have probably cultivated a set of qualities that, if embraced, will already serve as a foundation for how you are perceived.  I’ve developed my own list of qualities that I’ve written down over the years that I think are Respect builders – stay tuned and I’ll share some in upcoming posts!.  I’m sure you can come up with your own. Some of them are sure to end up on New Year’s resolutions lists!

Early in my career, I saw an executive in my company wipe down the counter in the men’s room with a paper hand towel.  Here’s a guy with a great academic pedigree, a big organization, and a crushing workload. Yet, he took a few seconds to make sure the counter was clean for the next guy.  Did that make an impression on a 24 year old engineer?  I already respected this guy, but in that instant he became one of my role models. To this day, I always wipe down the counter.

Affinity: what’s that have to do with success?

In my introductory post which you can find here,  http://wp.me/p2TFvG-4 I discussed the concept that successful business relationships are based on three dimensions: Affinity, Respect, and Trust or ART.  I’m going to dive a little deeper into the first dimension, Affinity.  Crack open the on-line dictionary and you’ll find a definition of affinity that says it’s a natural liking or attraction to a person.  That seems simple enough.

Suppose you have a challenge on your hands and you need some help.  Maybe some sage advice.  And let’s say there are two people in the office that can provide that help to you, but you just like one better than the other.  Maybe they have a more positive attitude than the other.  Maybe they’re less condescending.  Or maybe they just like to talk about your favorite sports team.  Chances are, all things being equal, you’re going to pursue the person that you have an Affinity with.

While your objective may not to become the office resource for everyone looking for help, the fact that people choose to interact with you is a powerful relationship dimension.  I’ve known people, and I’m sure you have too, that have that toxic personality.  People will do anything to avoid contact with them.  As I go back through my memory banks of great work relationships, every one of them had a foundation of Affinity.  Not necessarily a crush, but at least some sort of “like” or attraction.

Some of you lucky people (homecoming royalty, rock stars, etc.) don’t have much to worry about.  You were seemingly born with a double dose of charisma.  But for the rest of us, it doesn’t come naturally.  So how do you boost that part of your personality that makes people want to be around you?  For starters, it’s not something you do in a day.  Or a week.  Or even in a month.

I believe it takes a commitment to work on the little behaviors that draw people in.  Like smiling when you see someone.  Giving people your undivided attention.  Showing people (and believing!) that you really do care about them and not just what they can do for you.  If you can start adopting a few behaviors and turn some of them into habits, you will see a difference.  Then work on adopting a few more and continue to build your “people muscle”.  One of the best resources I’ve found on the subject is a book entitled How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndes.  Go buy it.  It is chock-full of behaviors that, when embraced and made into habits, will increase the Affinity people have toward you.

The ART of Business Relationships

Over my 30+ years in the working world, I’ve encountered quite a few leaders. Some I’ve worked for and others I’ve watched from distances ranging from close to far. I also realize that I am that leader seen through the eyes of others. I have to say that I have been blessed – most of the leaders I’ve had in my career have been extraordinary in at least one dimension of leadership regardless of how you define it. Great people. People who electrify a room when they walk in. Company presidents who you know will succeed. Bosses to whom you can reveal your mistakes.

Good leaders have one thing in common that goes beyond vision and brains: they have the ability to engage with people. Some people just have “it”. That natural charisma and charm that allows them to lead their fellow kindergarten schoolmates around the playground. The rest of us have a dose of that, but long to have more. I have watched leaders that get their team truly engaged and have witnessed three things: people have a natural affinity for them, they earn the respect of others, and they eventually gain the trust of those around them. Affinity, Respect, and Trust. The ART of business relationships. I firmly believe we get some of that ability in ART naturally, but I know from experience that you can build on those kernels of ability to become a better leader.

I’m starting this blog as a way to get my thoughts about the ART down on digital paper. I have a lot to say, but I promise to give it to you in small doses. Please comment if you agree, disagree, or just want to weigh in. I will bounce around from Affinity to Respect to Trust with my thoughts and observations. I hope you come along for the ride!